Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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