you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
