my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
The power of my boobs compel you
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
