She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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