you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
