we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
