dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
