How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
