Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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