I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize