I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
