he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
