Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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