Only a mothe r could love this liver
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
