it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
