hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
