I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
