then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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