But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Randomize
