Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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