Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
