All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
