She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
