I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
