Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
