Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
