She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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