i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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