I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
