went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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