Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
