i just sent this text using only my big toe
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
