ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
