While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
