i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
