awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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