guys are not supposed to queef...right?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
