hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
