We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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