I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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