Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
