Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
