so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
