I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Randomize
