I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
