I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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