i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Randomize
