She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
