I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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