How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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