Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
