If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
