I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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