you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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