You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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