I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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