i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
