glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
