If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
