I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
