it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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