They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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