The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
