I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
