I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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