Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
