I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
