Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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