You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize